If I think about my situation for too long I will never make it through, so I have to think of only one day at a time.
The disparity here between the pampered guests (whom I must participate in pampering) and the staff is unbelievable. I know this is what ecotourism is about and that ultimately it creates jobs for the local people. I know it is a good thing. But it still breaks my heart to see the German children playing at the pool and then to see little Anna in the staff kindergarten, who can’t stop coughing, is covered in dust and snot, and wants to drink from dirty bottles.
On the plus side, Anna’s English is better than that of the German children… In that way, the kindergarten program is working, though I don’t know how. Tomorrow I begin working there and I have no idea what I’m supposed to do. I tried a few things today with Anna, for practice, but her English and her attention span are limited. I know I should have structured lessons, but how do you structure lessons with ESL preschoolers? I have no training or experience, and I am lost.
On my other project, updating the farm’s green initiatives management plan, I have much more confidence. I know I can make something really good, as long as I don’t have to spend too much time fetching beer and food for the guests. It seems that many things here are unorganized, and that, if you let them, everyone will try to hand off their jobs to you. Maybe tomorrow will be better, since it's a weekday and there will be fewer guests and more staff.
I’m very lonely here and often feel the weight of being some sort of servant. I have not yet remembered why I wanted to do this and I do not recommend it to anyone. My only consolation—if there is one—is that now for the first time I really understand poverty. And for the rest of my life I can appreciate my status in the happy elite… and vacation in Europe like a normal person.
BTW, I know I only shared this blog with a few of you, but I’m so thankful to have you as a link to the outside world. I would lose my mind without it.
One day in Jordan we"volunteers" came to realize that we were 2 college graduates and 1 military captain (and female at that) serving tea and cleaning someone else's dirty kitchen 12 hours a day. I know that question" now again... why am I here?". But the whole experience was priceless in the end for us. Like you said, you start to really understand poverty from the heart.
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